What's Random?http://delphi.blog.co.uk/en-EUhourly82000-01-01T12:00+00:00What's Random?http://delphi.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/1e/46c13f2de81efd0c1679d354347c3f_160x200.jpgNot Grand...http://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/not_grand~772763/2006-05-03T12:36:40+02:00 <p>This weekend was an utter shambles. I went out on Friday, got completely trashed, shared a few horny kisses with an attractive blond (male) then got down and dirty with another attractive blond (female) in the toilets. Unfortunately she wouldn't come home with me as she 'didn't sleep with girls', I tried to tell that neither did I, although my fingers slipping in and out of her at the time might have been a give away. </p> <p>A new friend caught me 10 seconds away from a mind blowing orgasm (self administered, but what can you do?) wich was embarrasing and awkward. I wish people could be a bit more open - although it was my reaction wich surprised me more. I leapt from the bed as if it were a scalding plate, covering myself up and apologising. Is this just inherently in us? She had after all just walked into my room without knocking. </p> <p>I spent Sunday with S - didn't go out as previously arranged, because he was too hung over, so I went home early because it annoyed me. Monday was with C - now he's an interesting prospect, funny, chatty, horny, fun in bed and seemingly very interested. I don't know why I can't let S go, it would make my life much easier.</p> <p>I think I'm an Alcoholic, I've been denying it for years, but the times coming when I'll have to face it. I can't keep doing these things to myself.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/not_grand~772763/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>This weekend was an utter shambles. I went out on Friday, got completely trashed, shared a few horny kisses with an attractive blond (male) then got down and dirty with another attractive blond (female) in the toilets. Unfortunately she wouldn't come home with me as she 'didn't sleep with girls', I tried to tell that neither did I, although my fingers slipping in and out of her at the time might have been a give away.

A new friend caught me 10 seconds away from a mind blowing orgasm (self administered, but what can you do?) wich was embarrasing and awkward. I wish people could be a bit more open - although it was my reaction wich surprised me more. I leapt from the bed as if it were a scalding plate, covering myself up and apologising. Is this just inherently in us? She had after all just walked into my room without knocking.

I spent Sunday with S - didn't go out as previously arranged, because he was too hung over, so I went home early because it annoyed me. Monday was with C - now he's an interesting prospect, funny, chatty, horny, fun in bed and seemingly very interested. I don't know why I can't let S go, it would make my life much easier.

I think I'm an Alcoholic, I've been denying it for years, but the times coming when I'll have to face it. I can't keep doing these things to myself.

Comments

]]>Bitcheshttp://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/03/20/bitches~661475/2006-03-20T17:25:26+01:00 <p>My boss is as complete bitch, now whilst I know that many of them are, this one is from Belfast so that gives her an added edge. Anyone who says NI is great for the craic obviously hasn't lived here.</p> <p>I was supposed to get paid and didn't. She went to a meeting at 12.30pm, but because she left with four bags and hasn't come back I'm sure she was lying. The cheques were meant to be signed, but weren't. </p> <p>Fuck it, I've got no money, but then again never do so I'll just wait impatiently until tomorrow. If there not here by then I might have to mention it, whilst struggling not to not to lose my shitty job by physically assualting her.</p> <p>Having dinner with the ex who I can still only sleep with when I'm slaughtered. A simple change in technique would work wonders, but I don't have the energy to even suggest that at the minute.</p> <p>I'm also ill, grumpy and bored to tears. Help </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/03/20/bitches~661475/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>My boss is as complete bitch, now whilst I know that many of them are, this one is from Belfast so that gives her an added edge. Anyone who says NI is great for the craic obviously hasn't lived here.

I was supposed to get paid and didn't. She went to a meeting at 12.30pm, but because she left with four bags and hasn't come back I'm sure she was lying. The cheques were meant to be signed, but weren't.

Fuck it, I've got no money, but then again never do so I'll just wait impatiently until tomorrow. If there not here by then I might have to mention it, whilst struggling not to not to lose my shitty job by physically assualting her.

Having dinner with the ex who I can still only sleep with when I'm slaughtered. A simple change in technique would work wonders, but I don't have the energy to even suggest that at the minute.

I'm also ill, grumpy and bored to tears. Help

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]]>Lividly Confusedhttp://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/03/13/lividly_confused~638928/2006-03-13T12:19:25+01:00 <p>I'm still attached, I can't unattach. He lives round the corner. He did live 25 miles away. I don't want to be with him, but I can't stand the thought of him being with anyone else.</p> <p>It makes me tense, angry, frustrated, tearful. I have to get away from here. I feel trapped, like a fly in a spiders web, every move I make just suffocates me more, squeezes the breath out, breaks me into little pieces. It hurts, it still hurts.</p> <p>The feelings are coming back, I've been fighting them off for months, ignoring the tears, fear, mood swings, flashbacks, images, memories.</p> <p>I'm scared of letting go, I don't know where it'll end up, I don't want any more stitches, scars that bullishly refuse to heal. The scars don't help, they just remind me of days when I failed.</p> <p>I can't remember who I am anymore. I'm walking through shadows. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/03/13/lividly_confused~638928/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I'm still attached, I can't unattach. He lives round the corner. He did live 25 miles away. I don't want to be with him, but I can't stand the thought of him being with anyone else.

It makes me tense, angry, frustrated, tearful. I have to get away from here. I feel trapped, like a fly in a spiders web, every move I make just suffocates me more, squeezes the breath out, breaks me into little pieces. It hurts, it still hurts.

The feelings are coming back, I've been fighting them off for months, ignoring the tears, fear, mood swings, flashbacks, images, memories.

I'm scared of letting go, I don't know where it'll end up, I don't want any more stitches, scars that bullishly refuse to heal. The scars don't help, they just remind me of days when I failed.

I can't remember who I am anymore. I'm walking through shadows.

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]]>Its another Fridayhttp://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/03/10/its_another_friday~629914/2006-03-10T12:48:40+01:00 <p>I went to a training day yesterday, made a beeline for the exceptionally attractive guy with the way too cool hair cut - well hack really. </p> <p>The first hour was great, butterflies, gentle flirting, a few giggles. Very nice distraction from what I was meant to be doing. He was 6"2 edgy looking, athletic build, amazingly green eyes, I'd fucked him a dozen times by the time the first break came around.</p> <p>Then I made the mistake of asking him what he was doing before his current job. He'd been travelling '...doing South America' and '..finished my degree in psychology' and '...just started work 5 weeks ago'. </p> <p>Instantly I lost interest, changed seat, started working. It made me realise a few things; 1 - I'm not 21 anymore 2 - He wouldn't have been interested in what I wanted anyway 3 - I'm seriously losing my touch.</p> <p>Help! My friend said I live my life like a pinball machine - perpeptually bouncing from one fella to another. Its true.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://delphi.blog.co.uk/2006/03/10/its_another_friday~629914/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I went to a training day yesterday, made a beeline for the exceptionally attractive guy with the way too cool hair cut - well hack really.

The first hour was great, butterflies, gentle flirting, a few giggles. Very nice distraction from what I was meant to be doing. He was 6"2 edgy looking, athletic build, amazingly green eyes, I'd fucked him a dozen times by the time the first break came around.

Then I made the mistake of asking him what he was doing before his current job. He'd been travelling '...doing South America' and '..finished my degree in psychology' and '...just started work 5 weeks ago'.

Instantly I lost interest, changed seat, started working. It made me realise a few things; 1 - I'm not 21 anymore 2 - He wouldn't have been interested in what I wanted anyway 3 - I'm seriously losing my touch.

Help! My friend said I live my life like a pinball machine - perpeptually bouncing from one fella to another. Its true.

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